When first arriving here in Germany, I was in what my parents and I called the "honeymoon-phase." Everything was new, fresh, and exciting. I am finally in the country I had been yearning to return to, have unlimited access to the Berlin Philharmonic and Brammibals Donuts and coffee...and recently the return back to reality hit me.
I'm going to have a moment of truth in this post: this was not the best week for me mentally. I'm not going to go into details which beg sympathy or create a sob story of what occurred, but I simply want to put out there – let the record show for lack of better phrase – that I'm not okay this week. And it is OKAY to not be okay sometimes. This is a pretty obvious statement for my fellow college friends or adult friends in general. However, I find it immensely important to say for a journey like my own: going to a foreign country and living there for an entire year.
This experience is nothing like I've done before, so I'm being confronted with numerous social and cultural situations I was not prepared for or expecting. An easy one to point out: people don't just smile at one another in the streets; it's super weird. Another: staring in the subway is okay – not for an elongated period of time, but for an entire second or two. If it's longer or reoccurring, that apparently means that person is interested in you. (I haven't witnessed this because I like to keep my head down.)
A couple of healthy and (slightly unhealthy) measures I have taken to work through my anxiety and stress include eating the cookies I baked–my first baking experience in Germany–eating a pint of ice cream (absolutely no shame because I haven't learned how to read the nutrition facts on the labels here), and using a a facial mask.
My wonderful and kind best friend from home gifted me with, "open when..." cards, one of which contained a self-care kit with facial masks. Because I am a huge advocate for riding out your anxiety, I sat in my bed, with my face mask on and felt bad for myself. I also called my best friend and complained about being stressed and sad and overwhelmed. She is probably the best listener on the face of the planet. Although she's never been to Germany (working on that), we can still relate to dealing with the stresses of "adulting" as we recent college grads call it and doing "adult" things. I also have my mom and grandmother who sent me encouraging text messages today out of the blue. I have begun to find truly exceptional friendships here with people who are kind, supportive, and willing to commiserate about our hardships over cake or a beer.
Moral of my post tonight: it is okay to not be okay once in a while. Anxiety hits like a wave that will wash over you and eventually recede back to the ocean. Friends and family get you through the rough times and celebrate the good times.
Commentaires